Garrett M. Vonk

If your kid has a cell phone, you need to crush it into a 2-inch cube as soon as you can, before it leads them into a life of evil.

Or at least that’s the gist of this CNN story. This type of article reminds me of Drew Curtis’s words as I’m slowly making my way through the Fark book that my sister-in-law got me for Christmas. There’s a whole section on this type of fear-mongering, alarmist, non-stories that are all too common in the current media landscape. This is the easy three-step process that most media outlets follow to create their own alarmist stories:

1. Find something that has been a legitimate danger to a very small number of people. Let’s say, the “choking game“.
2. Interview people who have suffered some personal harm or loss from this danger, and thus are likely to drum up as much emotion as possible in your readers/viewers.
3. Blow the idea completely out of proportion, preying on your audience’s fears that–gasp–it could happen to them!
4. Try to find some new material for another story on Natalee Holloway.

So, cell phones are evil. These one or two times, a teacher used a cell phone to build an inappropriate relationship their student. And you probably have one in your home!!!!! Film at 11. The story goes on to detail exactly how predators will “groom” your kids for an encounter via their cell phone, and even includes this chilling story:

A recent case involves Kelsey Peterson, a 25-year-old Nebraska teacher accused of having sex with a 13-year-old former student. She faces federal charges for allegedly kidnapping the teen and taking him to Mexico to have sex.

An Associated Press reporter, Elliott Spagat, interviewed the boy while he was in Mexico and told CNN about it. The boy recounted being groomed, telling Spagat that Peterson “was his best friend. He was having problems with gangs … and he said she would lend an ear whenever he needed it,” Spagat said.

That does sound like a pretty terrible situation, but why did CNN use it to demonize cell phones? In the Peterson case, this teacher used email messages and handwritten letters to build the relationship. Lock up your pencils and paper, parents, for they are the tools of predators.

Of course, buried in the article is the, you know, sensible advice that perhaps you should just be more involved with your kid and make sure you know where they are going and who they are talking to on the phone. I suppose that “Parents Who Are More Involved in their Kids’ Lives Better Able to Protect Them” would be a far more appropriate headline for the article, but that’s not threatening enough.

By the way, if you have kids, watch out; the internet is trying to MURDER THEIR TOYS.

It makes me sad to realize that my proficiency in the Spanish language has atrophied to a truly alarming extent. In my heyday, I probably could have generated thoughts as complex as the preceding sentence, en español, with military accuracy and speed.

Nowadays, if the channel passes by Telemundo, I squint and strain and pick up recognizable phrases here and there, instead of laughing aloud at the showmanship and exaggeration of Sabado Gigante. I guess “use it or lose it” is an apt caveat for a foreign language learned in adulthood.

I remember vacationing with Heather a few years ago and carrying on epic 20-minute inebriated conversations with the workers in the port cities of Cozumel and Progreso. (And ordering lobster and exchanging currency for my dad in Cancún years before that.) I remember driving the Escort Van and engaging international students from Colombia and Spain in heated political discourse. I fondly remember doing Spanish homework for several of my close friends the collaborative language learning environment at UGA.

I definitely remember my sneering contempt for the idiots in my Spanish classes who knew pathetically little of the language, cared even less for the class, and couldn’t even pronounce the words correctly despite the fact that Spanish pronunciation is remarkably regular! I probably sound pedantic or bitter, but anyone who mumbles Me llamo es Felipe does not belong in a fourth-year Spanish composition class.

Now, I do retain the ability to speak and write in Spanish, and I could carry on a conversation with a native speaker with ease. But my aptitude is now below a standard that would allow me to be comfortable calling myself fluent, so that’s where I stand.

Nobody likes to lose a skill, and it is with humble contrition that I remove the “Spanish: Fluent writing and speaking” line from my résumé.

Thinking this morning about the evolution textbook/sticker debate that has raged on in classrooms, board meetings, and courts across the land, I thought it would be funny to see a sticker required on copies of The Bible, with language similar to the stickers the anti-science crowd wants on biology textbooks.

Of course, to avoid duplication of effort, I went ahead and Googled it to see if such a parody sticker exists. Here’s what I found:

WARNING!!!
This bible is made up of stories, not facts. Serious disagreement among biblical scholars has existed for thousands of years about these stories. The stories in this bible should not be taken as literal truth or as facts. There are hundreds of other religious stories throughout the world that contradict and call into question the stories in this bible. This bible should therefore be approached with a spirit of critical consideration.

From http://blogs.lawrence.com/yellowdog/2005/feb/10/mythnotfact/

Pretty good. I am not in a position to, nor do I have the desire to, bring the Bible into question here. I just question the motives of people who selectively argue against teaching science to children correctly.

Why don’t they complain about the theory of electromagnetism, the germ theory of disease, and the theory of gravity? They’re just theories too! Nobody wants a sticker warning kids about other theories because these others don’t conflict with their specific religious beliefs. That’s the only reason, in my opinion, that there’s even an issue. Why? Most of the non-scientists injecting themselves into this debate seem to care very little about other science-related issues, even areas of science about which there is real, scientific debate.

Evolution is the central organizing theory of biology, and has fundamental importance in other sciences as well. It is no more controversial in scientific circles than gravity or electricity is…And, regardless of whether the changes in plants and animals are gradual or sporadic, the facts remain that plants and animals have evolved over time. There is no scientific dispute that evolution has occurred and continues to occur; this is why evolution is regarded as a scientific fact. (State of California, 1989)

This is a story that will make anyone afraid of cheating in college. It has it all, the sarcastic comedy writer, the “innocent” girl with no clue, the concerned mom sticking up for her kid… See if you can identify with any of the parties involved…

Part 1
http://www.aweekofkindness.com/blog/archives/2005/03/laura_k_pahl_is.html

Part 2
http://www.aweekofkindness.com/blog/archives/2005/03/laura_k_krishna.html

Part 3
http://www.aweekofkindness.com/blog/archives/2005/03/laura_k_krishna_1.html

In the end, I side with the writer of the story. The penalty she ended up incurring for her dishonesty was certainly harsh, but as many of the comments on the site point out, there were ample opportunities for this girl to stop the madness. And come on, how do you turn in a paper that says “I made a doody” and expect people to seriously think you deserve to be in college?

So, Livejournal suffered yet another DDOS attack.
It’s rather upsetting and I appreciate their attempts to get the service
back as quickly as possible. In other news, I am currently working on a
new personal site to bring together all of my fun sources of diversion
(IE this LJ, my school journal, my
photo album, and my resumé
and other fun stuff.)
That site will eventually be at garrettvonk.com. g a r r e t t v o n k @ g a r r e t t v o n k . c o m
currently works, but is not my official address. (I’ll still use
g vonk @ uga . edu while I am at school)

It is somewhat distracting–but ultimately very useful– to have wireless internet access in all of my classes, where I am expected to use my laptop anyway. As I look around, people are doing various things: writing emails, taking notes, instant messaging, etc. I, for one, am writing in my livejournal, of course. People are still, of course, paying attention. I am keeping one eye on the computer and one on the professor, if that is possible.
It is HELPFUL because I can arrange to meet a friend after class via IM or email, discreetly be contacted by anyone (as opposed to using a cell phone), and find out background info on what a professor is asking.
It is DETRIMENTAL to the learning process, in my opinion, only in the same ways that any other distraction is. If a student wants to sit there doing something besides pay attention, the bottom line is that he or she will do it. Doodle, pass notes, doze off, etc.
So.
That’s that.
Our first football game is this weekend, against Clemson. Cool. Our first game is always at home. How is that? It’s only possible for half the teams out there!

I am back from Chicago today; I visited my parents for a spell, and fun times were had by all. Heather accompanied me and we were treated to a good time, both in the city and out.

Now I am back here doing schoolwork all night.
Advice: If you are listening to MP3s while you do work, it doesn’t help your concentration to have a new Winamp visualization running also. I must have watched that thing for a half-hour, entranced, getting no work done at all.

So, had a Programming Midterm this morning. Think I did OK.
“Exams” and “Midterms” are scary names, especially when you consider that they are just tests. I mean, if professors are kind enough to rename the little bitty tests quizzes, they should be considerate enough to just call the “exams” “Tests.” Maybe capitalize Test if it is a Big Test.
In the same vein, a “Midterm” during a summer class doesn’t hold the same magnitude as during a regular semester.
Regardless of the intent and hard work of the professor, you’re NOT going to do the same amount of work in a summer class or cover the same amount of material. Thus, the midterm is over much less information.

Anyway.

Ah, yes, the livejournal. I’ve been a little absent from the livejournal for a little bit, but a lot was going on…
My 21st birthday was Tuesday, went out with Matt, legally drank (woohoo) and had a great time. Heather was unfortunately sick and could not make it though she wanted to.
But we were still good.
I think.
Yeah, we definitely were.

Anyway, now it’s on to finishing that pesky degree with an assortment of electives! Fun!

Summer is fine; I keep thinking about how summer will be much different when it comes time to sit down and be a responsible adult. For now, a part-time job and classes are all I need. It’s the heat I don’t need. So many people like heat and I can’t stand it! I don’t understand all you people. Maybe we just need to stratify the country into gradients of people, all living in the temperate zone that interests them the most.
I mean, it would be expensive, but I think it would be worth it. I’d probably live somewhere moderately chilly, because I really like cold weather, much better than hot weather. I really dislike South Florida in the summer–let me rephrase that– I dislike the weather in South Florida in the summer. You walk outside at midnight and it’s like 85 damn degrees!!! I don’t understand. And the humidity!
Whine, whine, whine. Who cares.
The good news is that I turn 21 soon. That will be fun.