Garrett M. Vonk

I’m going to do a post on London and Ireland, as I should, but I always feel like recaps of grand adventures should themselves be grand–or at least comprehensive–and thus I’ve been unable to find the time to post an adequate one.

For now, here’s what I’ve enjoyed lately-

• Empire, by Orson Scott Card - It’s not anything like Ender’s Game, which is my only other exposure to OSC. He’s got a pretty rabid fanbase, and it seems like this book polarized a lot of his fans. Empire is the story of a hotshot, ex-special forces U.S. Army Captain who gets caught up in a fierce battle between the right and the left that results in bloodshed and chaos. The machine-gun pace reads like an episode of 24 or a Die Hard movie, but the speed doesn’t detract from the story too much. Ultimately, if you ignore some the ludicrous plot points (the left takes up arms against the right and takes military control of Manhattan, for starters), it’s a pretty good, thrilling read.
• Earth Abides, by George Stewart- This is a pretty good book. It’s a tale of a man who survives a plague that wipes out 99.9% of the population that was written nearly sixty years ago. With only a few exceptions (including a reference to those Negroes and their jazz), it aged very well and is just as compelling as when it was written. Considering that I also read The World Without Us and I Am Legend earlier this year, it seems like I’ve kind of been on a morbid, last-man-on-the-planet kick lately. The only thing that hampered my enjoyment of this book is that a coworker actually ruined the ending for me, nonchalantly. There’s a touching scene at the end of the novel that I wouldn’t dream of ruining for you. It’s not a plot twist, but it’s probably the most important scene in the whole story, and my coworker just kind of said “Oh yeah, I listened to the audiobook of that. He _____ ___ ______ __ ___ ___ at the end.” Um, thanks, dude.
• Guitar Hero II - Just beat it on Expert. Yep, including Free Bird. I’m a rock star.
• Guitar Hero III - Finally beat it on Hard. This game is like a full 50% harder than GHII, so it’s going to take a little longer to beat it on Expert. I’m only four songs away, though! As long as it took me to beat the devil on Devil Went Down to Georgia on HARD, I don’t know if I’ll ever do it on Expert.

So there’s this writer at The Times Online (British Times, not New York) who seems to be the latest graduate of The Kevin McCullough School of Irresponsible Pseudo-Journalism. The gist of her latest article is that many adult men are basically grown-up babies, unable to emerge from their youth because of their silly predilection for their most childish of habits: video games.

I know, it’s 2008 on the internet and I shouldn’t even deign to respond to attention whores like this writer. I understand that if we feed the troll, her goal is achieved. I just can’t let gems like these go unanswered…

At my college evening class last week, two intelligent, thirtysomething suited guys – solicitors or managers to judge from their e-mail addresses – were talking about their new Xbox 360s and what transcendent joy was to be had from them. I eavesdropped more attentively. Apparently, in Gears of War, the smallest details of the largest battles were crystal clear, in widescreen! Surely they were discussing their children’s computer games? Xboxes are toys, after all.

As are DVD players, computers, and board games, right? Surely, this woman has seen grown men playing chess in a park, and didn’t remark to herself that they were silly for playing with toys.

This reeks of the same naivete that puts the anachronistic notion in many people’s heads that fans of animated programming or comic books are stuck in their childhood because OhmyGodyoulikecartoonsandcartoonsareforkids! Um, no, there are whole realms of animation and comics that are specifically designed for adult consumption, not to mention graphic novels. Certainly, advertisers have been paying attention to this marketplace for quite some time, seeing as how they actually know how to do the research.

But wait–this writer did the research, too! She just ignored it.

Worried, I went unto Google and retrieved this trend for you: Nielsen Media Research surveyed American men aged 18 to 34 and found 48 per cent of them had used a games console recently, and on average, it was for 2 hours 43 minutes per day. Yes, half of not-so-young men spend nearly three hours a day gaming.

Kate, my dear, if that worries you, I beg you not to look up the statistics on hours spent watching TV.

Yes, there are plenty of adult gamers and no, we don’t appreciate being marginalized a la Fox News. Video games did $8 billion more in business than movies did in 2007 in the US. Note to journalists: If you don’t take gamers seriously, we’ll return the favor.

[The Dark Ages - Times Online]

photo credit: GodsMoon

• Don’t forget that The Daily Show and Colbert will be back on the air tonight. I’ve missed them, but I’m a little confused about what will comprise their usually incredibly well-scripted shows if the pair, both guild members, are prohibited from writing material for themselves.
• I’d used it before, but I’ve been requesting a lot of books lately and I’ve found that the Atlanta Public Library’s site is actually quite helpful. Sure, some anchor tags contain layers of obfuscatory Javascript and their search leaves a lot to be desired, but it’s quite handy to hold a couple of books, wait for the email confirmation, and stop by after work (the Central Library is across the street from my office).
• Recent diversions include Assassin’s Creed, Rock Band, Scene It: LCA, and The Golden Compass (Er, the book, not the game).
• What, was I gone for a while? Sorry. Didn’t really have much to say. Nothing personal. Let’s see… The holidays went well. Work is good. Heather got me an iPhone for Christmas (in October). We’re going to Dublin and London in March. Can’t wait.

I’m reading the Foreword to the second collection of Penny Arcade comics, penned by none other than the esteemed J. Allard, and I found this pretty funny:

All love aside, Gabe and Tycho (and their alter egos in the real world) aren’t infallible. It dissapoints me that after all this exposure, success, and profit they’ve amassed from the blatantly capitalistic repackaging of freely available Internet content . . . the fact that they still have a hyphen in their domain name is steeped in a sweaty mass of lameness.

The book showed up in the same box as I Am America (And So Can You!), so the two works will compete for hilarity in my carry-on next weekend when we’re in California.

Here are a few things I’m excited about this fall…

• Halo 3 - Duh. After playing the multiplayer beta and following every tiny tidbit of Halo news I could find on X3F, the most anticipated video game of all time is pretty high on my list. I even violated two of my self-imposed rules by A) pre-ordering the game at B) EB Games, but I don’t care. Come September 25th, I’ll be right there in line with the teenagers waiting to unwrap my cat helmet and play all night. Also–I have a Halo 3 party planned with several friends that night. I’m obsessed.
• Trip to Reno/California - Heather and I are heading to Northern California in October to visit my grandparents out there and do a little sightseeing. We happened to find a great price on a flight through Reno, so we’ll probably spend a day in Lake Tahoe, as well.
• Futurama - As far as I can tell, Futurama will be back on TV toward the end of this year or early 2008. It can’t come quickly enough for me. Yes, I saw the Simpsons movie, and it was great, but I’m at least equally excited for new Futurama after all of these years of repeats on Adult Swim.

I’ve been playing a lot of Settlers of Catan lately. My brother was good enough to notice it on my wish list and find it for me as a birthday gift last month. My dad, sister, and Heather and I picked it up pretty quickly over the July 4th holiday and with good reason–it’s pretty easy to learn.

The game comes from Germany, and it looks unbelievably complex when you open up the box, but it turns out that it only takes one round of play to figure out that it’s not all that hard. This is, at its core, a game about resource management. It appeals to that corner of my brain that was obsessed with Warcraft II back in the day, mining gold and hacking away at the lumber in a race to build up my cities. (Note to self: play Warcraft II again soon) It’s also a game that holds your attention a lot better than, say, Monopoly, which can take forever to play. Even more importantly, unlike Monopoly, all players are interacting during each player’s turn. The element of trade and continuous resource generation makes the game A) extremely balanced and B) much more enjoyable when it’s “not your turn” (like I said, it’s never really not your turn).

Enough about the mechanics of the board game. The really exciting thing about Settlers is that Microsoft just made it available to play online via Xbox Live. So rather than pestering Heather to play one of the two-player variants or knocking on my neighbors’ doors, I can find a game within 60 seconds with three other human players, day or night. On the off chance that my internet is down (thanks, Comcast) or I don’t feel like interacting with real people, I can play against bots. This is about a thousand times better than just having the game in your closet and playing it (if you’re lucky) once a week when you can get your friends together. This is the ease of use and tremendous connectivity that Xbox Live gave hardcore gamers years ago, expanded to casual games.

Photo credit: Propagandalf

Followup: My Playstation 3 camping friend survived the Wal-Mart ordeal, making a tidy profit on eBay. It really seemed like a lot of radio and TV commentators missed the point when discussing the “console camping” phenomenon. My impression is that there were at least as many profiteers as there were PS3 Fanboys, and the 12,000+ consoles currently for sale on eBay confirms that in part. But somehow, all of the questions asked of the people waiting in line were “What’s so awesome about the PS3?” And all of the answers were “The graphics are great and I just love playing games!”

Tomorrow we leave for Orlando for a week. Work will follow me, to some extent, but it will still be relaxing. I’m looking forward to it.

My buddy is holed up at an undisclosed Wal-Mart here in Georgia waiting to get a Playstation 3 when they are released tomorrow morning at midnight. Here are his hour-by-hour updates.

Tuesday 9:54pm

1st in line

We’ll see if they get any premiums
this is so ridiculous that I had to come out here 2 days early, but i am glad I prepared for the missed time

We talked on the phone this evening and he indicated that an evil manager had told everyone that if they fell asleep, they’d be kicked out of the store. I told him to stand his ground and reminded him that you’re not trespassing until someone asks you to leave and you refuse. As of yet, they haven’t done this yet. I don’t understand the “you can’t sleep” policy, considering that it doesn’t seem to have been a rule anywhere else.

Wednesday 1:25pm

my officers were cool and echoed your notion that if they asked us to leave that we would have to–i passed that onto the crowd before the officers finished talking with the manager, but when they came out they just said for us not to get unruly and everything would be fine

34.5 hours to go

Wednesday 2:02pm

now the manager went around posting that they may not get the minimum 10 consoles specified in the ad but they will issue up 10 rainchecks for every console they get less than 10

I don’t feel that they’ll get 10 but I do hope they get 1

Thursday 8:09am

preliminary indications from alleged inside sources at the store say 6 consoles will arrive
and they are not divulging this to the last 4 people in line for fear of retaliation

i had originally thought I might try for two by going to the as-of-yesterday underpopulated Eatonton store, however, due to the amazing sleep deprivation policy instituted by management here–I no longer feel that would be a safe endeavor to undertake btwn 12am and 6am tomorrow

to me their idea of us not sleeping seems to create much more potential liability–sending us out at midnight than any damage to reputation or appearance which is what I understand concerns them about us dozing off in layaway

Thursday 8:53am

we actually should have tried harder to sleep last night b/c there is no opportunity now, but the night manager came and gave us a speech about how he hoped everything would go smoothly and that the officers that would drop in from time to time would not have to straighten anything out–which was totally justified b/c until that point we had created 0 problems or hassles for the store–I in fact was aiding in the direction and location of deep cover layaway operatives at customers’ requests

that said they now have a full complement of day Nazis including Himmler from the other day who threatened to kick out a dozing camper–so to avoid friction and losing my place after almost 40hrs of waiting I am going to do my best to continue to remain awake

but again, to me, the plan to deprive 10 customers of sleep for a prolonged period and then send them to drive home at midnight [doesn't seem like a good idea]

Thursday 11:37am

The bad manager just came through and said they are not getting 6 but 2. I am #1 in line so that’s where we stand.

At about the 12-hour mark, they announce that they’ll have rainchecks available for those who don’t get one tonight.

Thursday 11:51am

actually the line may expand since they are gonna do 8 raincheck per, before 10 seemed like the maximum line spot, but with 4 consoles and 16 rainchecks total–the list can accomodate 20 people.

I’ll post more as we reach the thrilling conclusion.

August was a horribly neglectful month for the blog. I haven’t had much to say, and for that I apologize. A quick rundown of what’s been going on with me:

Early August: In Destin for a long weekend earlier this month, to sit on the beach and do nothing for 48 hours. Saw Jurassic 5 in concert. (Highly recommended.)

Mid-August: Work outing at the lake. Think I want a boat someday. Another work outing at Dave and Buster’s a week later.

Late August: My buddy Josh got married. This was a great time.

Throughout the last month or so, as you may have noticed, I’ve been playing a lot of NCAA Football 2007 for the Xbox 360. I highly recommend it, even with EA’s innovation-stifling monopolies and ridiculous pricing.

As an experiment, Rusty and I are going to attempt to predict the outcome of several key college football matchups using nothing but our Xbox 360s and our copies of NCAA Football 2007. We’ll simulate the games and attempt to determine how accurate this $60 testosterone simulator really is.

Notre Dame (#3) vs. Georgia Tech (#25)

The trusty Xbox has Georgia Tech opening up with a field goal in the first quarter, but our virtual Notre Dame hammers the NATS with four touchdowns in the second quarter alone. Tech outscores Notre Dame 18-10 in the second half, but it isn’t enough.
Notre Dame wins 38-21

Tennessee (#18) vs. California (#15)

The boys in prison jumpsuit orange are on top until the fourth, when Cal mounts an impressive comeback. Unfortunately for the Golden Bears, Tennessee has a comeback of their own up their inbred sleeves, putting it in the end zone twice in the last 3:30 to squeak by. Cal posts 496 yards of total offense to Tennessee’s 378.

Note: We would have actually played this game, and perhaps others, if our online action hadn’t been cock-blocked by a flaky network connection.
Tennessee wins 36-33

Florida State (#12) vs. Miami (#11)

Miami lets FSU score 20 unanswered points before, er, answering. Another close one.
Miami wins 24-23

USC (#4) vs. Arkansas

The Trojans run up the score on the Razorbacks this week, passing for 447 yards on their way to 740 yards of total offense. Incredibly, Southern Cal only punts once in sixty minutes of play, despite never converting on 4th down.
USC wins 51-27

Auburn (#7) vs. Washington State

This one looks like a pretty boring game on the Xbox 360. Nobody converts on 4th down, nobody fumbles the ball, and there are only three trips to the end zone all game. Neither team even kicks a field goal. Come on, people spice it up a bit! These games had better be more interesting in real life.
Auburn wins 35-21

Speaking of keeping up interest, I can’t really say whether I’ll do this every week throughout the season. I guess we’ll see how prescient the simulations are.

Uh oh, I have to go… The Insider is showing the wedding videos of a couple who died in the Kentucky plane crash over the weekend. That’s just classy.

Update: Rusty posted his results. His Xbox predicts fewer nail-biters, and predicted Cal to win over Tennessee. Let’s hope it’s mine’s right.